Entry 3: The roaming hordes, the shuru, and lynchables.

Hello everyone and welcome to the third installment of my blog. I’d like to thank you all again for taking time out of your busy days to listen to me ramble. I appreciate all the feedback I’ve gotten from everyone. As always thanks for checking out my entries.

Now, let’s get on with the show. A lot of people think that there’s something wrong with the world now, that it should be like the good ole days. They’re partially right and I have a solution. Mongolian hordes. Well, not necessarily Mongolian ones, they went a little crazy riding the women and raping the horses and all, we can leave that part out. What I want are hordes of 1.) rednecks and 2.) metrosexuals. Picture this, a roaming band of redneck men who duck hunt, skin deer, catch salmon, piss whiskey and then drink it straight hauling privileged pent house dwelling heirs out into the wild to live off the land for a week. Now there’s a show I’d go outta my way to watch. And imagine the reverse, the Duck Dynasty men getting pedicures, haircuts and heaven forbid, getting their beards trimmed. Heck, just put one of each in a house and see what happens. Think Paul Bunyan meets a straight Neil Patrick Harris.

On a completely unrelated note, Kmart has a new man running the shoe department, yours truly. No I cannot get you socks for free or slide you some sweet Dr. Scholls inserts, as much as I hate my job, I’d like to keep it. One of my coworkers dubbed me the new “Shoe Guru” which I appropriately shortened to “The Shuru.” That’s right, I said it, I’m not afraid to be that corny. Come to think of it that would make quite the superhero. Able to size up even the largest feet, capable of leaping entire stacks of shoes in a single bound. Yep, I’m a superhero. Now I just need a catch phrase. Tripping up crime one lace at a time. I can’t believe I just said that.

Speaking of Kmart! That’s where the idea for a new segment came to me. Because of my fat fingers and lack of dexterity, I mistakenly typed the world “Lynchables” into my phone instead of “Lunchables.” Golden mistake. Not only does it depict a neat little meal conveniently packed for your enjoyment but it expresses a willingness to be chased down the streets by an angry mob with torches and pitchforks.  Now I’m not supporting the crimes of our stained past, I’m merely expressing the delight that could be found in a childhood snack if only one letter were changed. If you’ve got a word that could benefit from such a transformation or one similar let me know and if I get enough good ones I’ll make a new segment called “Weekend Words” or include them in a future entry.

Well that’s all for this week. Again thank you for trudging through yet another entry and as usual blah blah blah you know the drill. We’ve come a long ways this week; from fixing America to the birth of a superhero and arriving at a snack that always makes me reminisce. See you next week everybody!

– The Shuru –


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