Monday Mini-Rant: Miley Cyrus

Welcome back ladies and gentleman! I’m not gonna lie, I had this whole entry planned out almost word for word. It was going to be about freshman. How easy it is to spot them. How paranoid they seem to be. How they successfully assimilate themselves into the college experience by at least the second semester. Then come along the VMA’s. Before you ask, no, I did not watch them and would never take time out of my day to view such a shallow awards show. I didn’t even realize they were on until my twitter feed blew up with tweets about Miley Cyrus. I realized long ago that she wasn’t that cute, adorable, likable girl that doubled as Hannah Montana on the Disney Channel. Her haircut is more than enough evidence of that. This clip from the VGA’s though, oh my goodness. For the safety of my readers I will not link the video but if you’re still curious it is not difficult to find. I hope to high heaven that parents realize that this girl is no longer someone their kids should look up to. I’m just gonna say it, MTV should have cut off her performance BEFORE Robin Thicke even came out. I get it, sex sells, but I have a feeling there is less risque content on SKINEMAXE!! Anyone who tuned into this show and wasn’t disgusted is well… I don’t even know what they are. The fact that this level of indecency is on a channel that teens watch disturbs me to no end. I will be the last person to say that I’m perfect but at least I still have some degree of class coursing through my veins. Both sides of this performance were deplorable to  me. The dancing was unacceptable. The lyrics were unacceptable. Miley Cyrus says during one of her lines “we can screw who we want to.” Ok… WHAT?! I realize there are all types of “live and let live” types in the world but why the hell is this line in a top 10 song?! “We can love who we want to” “We can kiss who we want to” and these are just the vanilla lyrics, listen to these next ones. “And everyone in line in the bathroom, trying to get a line in the bathroom.” If I’m not mistaken she’s singing about SNORTING COCAINE AT A PARTY!! Who the hell allows this on the radio?! I am so sick of non existent morals permeating every type of media we are exposed to. I honestly pray to God that this fad passes way before my children come into existence. If my offspring are ostracized because I try to raise them to look down on this type of behavior then I truly will have lost all faith in humanity.


Regular Entry 12: Sunday Drivers and Pony Tails

Welcome back everyone!  As always thank you for taking time out of your busy days to read through the random thoughts I have throughout my day.  I’ll keep this intro short and sweet so as not to annoy you any more than usual. This week my topics all stem from one drive from good ole Kerkhoven to my new home in Marshall. This routine, uneventful drive, is so mundane that I often tune out and just think. Until of course, someone makes me change my cruise speed, and with that, let’s kick it off!

Picture this. A nice long stretch of highway ahead of you. Nothing but a straight away and a scenic landscape. You see a car approaching in the opposite lane. It’s moving rather slowly, but  there are only 2 cars in sight so they aren’t holding anyone up. As they approach, you realize they are going about 30 MPH in a 55, you see that they are an old (probably married) couple. I had thought that with the ridiculous prices of gas that the Sunday stroll would have ceased to exist but this particular couple proved me wrong! These soldiers of the old guard truly appreciate how relaxing it is to drive through the country at a leisurely pace and just not give a crap about who’s behind you. Flash forward 30 minutes, I’m stuck behind some tourist from Iowa going 55 in a 60. Seriously? 55?! This I can handle, it’s not the worst thing in the world, especially since there’s a passing lane coming up. I’ll just bide my time and fly past when I get the chance. These two are mild cases of Sunday Drivers, people who aren’t in a hurry to get anywhere, they just wanna enjoy their ride. Now let me tell you about the 3rd car I saw on this ride.

Alright, a Sebring, probably some middle aged soccer mom. 52 MPH down a straightaway with no cars in sight. Ok, this works, except we’re in a 60… a convertible on top of that. Why is the top up? I didn’t even know Toyota made a car that could pull the top back. You’re on a long trip and… you… have… the top… up?… Ok I know it’s not a sports car or a muscle car but come on, you own a convertible, TAKE ADVANTAGE OF IT!! Especially since  you’re on a long drive. alright, convertible nonsense aside, remember when I mentioned that I though the driver would be a middle aged soccer mom? I mean, it is a Sebring after all, let me move on to the meat of this paragraph. I finally get to pass this individual who is unworthy of a convertible and what do I see? A middle aged, tatted up man sporting a PONY TAIL!! Hold on just a second. You have a pony tail and you’re driving an economy car? WITH THE TOP UP?!?! Hold on buddy. Let me start off by saying men SHOULD NOT HAVE PONYTAILS!!! That being said, men sporting pony tails exist, it’s an unfortunate truth, but one that we must face. So if they have to exist, I’d like to lay down some ground rules. 1.) You have to own a Harley right now or at some point in your recent past. 2.) You have to be tatted up. 3.) You have to smoke cigarettes or cigars. 4.) You have to love beer. 5.) You have to hate your job unless it’s working with cars or bikes. 6.) You basically have to be a badass. What you do not do is drive 5 MILES UNDER THE SPEED LIMIT IN AN ECONOMY CAR!!!! What is wrong with you?! Do you really think you’re a rebel cruising down the road in a Toyota Sebring with the top up?! I don’t even know how to fix this. It’s just so… twilight zone-ish that I don’t know how to correct it. Toyota Sebring + Male Pony Tail =/= anything I want to be a part of. It just doesn’t.

Alright now that I’ve expressed my frustration at… well… random people I encountered on the road I’d like to once again thank all of you for reading my random thoughts and experiences. As always I’d appreciate any and all feedback that you may have. I mean it. Even if it’s just a FB message or random text I appreciate all feedback. I hope I didn’t bore any of you and I hope you enjoyed this weeks entry. I said it a couple of sentences ago but I’ll say it again, let me know if you have any feedback or any topic suggestions you’d like me to tackle. Have a wonderful week. You’ll hear from me next Monday! (Maybe sooner)

Monday Mini-Rant: Littering

Welcome back everybody and thanks for tuning in! Or checking in. Or whatever the proper term would be. Alright!! This week I’m going green, not out of some sense to save the world from global warming or preventing the deforestation of the Rainforest, those things are all good and well but I don’t feel like putting that much effort into something I don’t deeply care about. What I do care about is people who decide to empty the contents of their vehicles on the side of the road. Now I’m not going to lie, I’ve thrown my gum or sunflower seed shells out the window but this individual brought it to a whole new level. So one fine Sunday on my way back to Marshall I encounter about 10 napkins blowing about in the middle of the road. Umm… ok? Half a mile later, some styrofoam cups. Another half a mile? Pop cans. I see a vehicle in the distance so I speed up to investigate. Sure enough, more random garbage. A fast food bag, more napkins, Ok the vehicle is fairly new and is absolutely spotless, and I can tell because it’s white. I’m expecting some young punk with no respect for anyone, some douchebag with gelled hair and a V-neck. I get close enough to see the license plates? It reads “DOOTS.” A vanity plate only leads me to believe this prick is some teen with an ego the size of Rhode Island. The car starts to slow and goes into the right turn lane, I pass, and what do I see? A white woman probably in her 60’s. Uhh… so you’ve been trashing this road for some 40 years? Are you serious?! Ok gal, do you show this much disrespect in every other aspect of your life? Do you walk through other peoples homes with muddy boots? Do you sit on their kitchen table? I thought the younger generation was the only disrespectful generation but boy was I wrong. It may not seem like a big deal to you but it pisses me off. Take 30 seconds, through your trash in a plastic bag at home, and throw it in the dumpster. I’m glad you’re in the minority because if everyone acted like this I hate to even think of what our roads and communities would look like. Alright now that I’m done with that, I’d like to thank all of you for reading and tuning in whenever I find time to post. I’m grateful for all of your dedication and look forward to your continued support.

Regular Entry 11: Welfare and Fraud

Alright everybody welcome back! This marks the 11th anniversary of my little pet project and I’m thankful for all of the views I’ve received so far. You are all awesome for reading through these and without you I would have stopped a long time ago! This week I’m tackling two topics that seem to be a bit out of my realm of expertise but you don’t get anywhere in life by playing it safe. Now I know some of my readers are more educated on these subjects so criticism (constructive or otherwise) is more than welcome. Just please be gentle.

Welfare. The great safety net that prevents the unfortunate from remaining unfortunate. The glorious precaution that ensures that the poverty stricken have a fighting chance. Some (read “all”) political movers and shakers need to go to a psychology course. Apparently no one who has been voted for has heard of learned helplessness. You see, this occurs when someone has been beaten down and defeated so many times that they don’t care anymore. They literally give up. In theory, programs such as EBT and food stamps seem like sound ideas. Give a person a fighting chance, a little boost, and they’ll elevate themselves above their misfortunes. Let me give you a counter example. There is this customer who frequents Kmart, who pays with an EBT card, and has a job. I’ve seen this individual twice outside of Kmart. Both times at the liquor store, and they weren’t buying a 6-pack of Mike’s Hard Lemonade. I’m talking close to $50 in alcohol each time. Paid in cash. So wait… you can afford to buy alcohol with your own money but not food? NOT FOOD?!?! This is one of those times I’d be more than ok with hitting someone over the head with a tack hammer. Seriously, if you can’t afford Mac and Cheese and a Mt. Dew on your own dollar why the hell are you buying a 1.75 of hard liquor and a case of beer?! Why?!?! In short, people who know nothing but defeat and failure are ok with continuing that trend. They’ve accepted defeat and programs like this just provide a way for them to continue that way. Good job.

Now this topic has a bit of a tie in to the last one. Again, this example stems from a customer interaction and a tendency to buy Folger’s. Let me illustrate. Folger’s can be bought with EBT. Lottery tickets cannot. Customer’s can “lose” receipts which forces us to reimburse them in the form of a gift card. Gift cards cannot be used to purchase Lottery tickets either. Unless the person working behind the desk hasn’t been properly trained. Which happens a lot at Kmart unfortunately. Let me piece it together for you. Purchase coffee with EBT. “Lose” receipt. Get refund on Kmart gift card. Find new service desk associate. Purchase lottery tickets. So you just purchased scratch off tickets with government money? Really? Really?! Alright (excuse my language) asshole! I’ve seen you in here with your family; with your wife and kid. Did you really just throw away the money the government is giving you to provide for your family on (excuse my language again) FUCKING SCRATCH OFFS?!?! What. The. Hell. It’s people like this that make me lose ALL FAITH IN HUMANITY!! Get your priorities in line dude. You’ve got a kid to feed, not an addiction to feed. Another example would be the woman who perpetually comes in to Kmart (and only Kmart) to do Western Union transactions and who only shows up during MY SHIFT!! I have seen this woman multiple times and have told her that Hy-Vee does Western Union transactions and yet she only shows up when I’m working. Does she know what kinda car I drive or something?! The conclusion I’ve come to is that Hy-Vee refuses to do business with her and she thinks she can dupe me into helping her. I’m guessing, purely guessing, that she thinks that i’m dumb enough to not check her name against the restricted list but I can’t confirm this. I’m not. In conclusion, never think you’re the smartest person in the room. Always over estimate the intelligence of those you’re dealing with and finally… DON’T BE A DICK!!!! I don’t know how many times I have to say it but damn… there are way too many people who just don’t understand that.

So. If you’ve made it this far I applaud your patience. You’ve listened to me ramble on about things I’m not exactly an expert on. I am by no means an expert on anything political but ya know, we’ve all got to branch out some time. To be honest I struggled with topics this week but a 20 minute encounter with one of my roommates piqued my interest and gave me the inspiration for this entry. I’ll say it again, I appreciate any feedback, topic suggestions, or critiques you may have. Thank you for soldiering through yet another entry and I hope you are entertained by what I’ve been writing. Don’t hesitate when giving me feedback. I welcome all types.

Monday Mini-Rant: Kids With Swag

It’s Monday so you know what that means! Another paragraph I’m going to ask my readers to trudge through, please? I had a couple of lackluster ideas for this week so I decided to hit up the news sites for some inspiration. Here is the article that inspired me this week. Ok, first off let me express my hatred of the terms “yolo” and “swag” to begin with, they should not exist. Now I’ve talked about stupid parents before, remember the adolescent sex changes? This isn’t quite as bad. I’ve heard of parents living vicariously through their children but COME ON! Dressing your kids “swagalisciously” might be one of the dumbest things I’ve ever heard of, Kids should be in shorts and t-shirts, not in clothes like this.

Tara Thackeray took this photo of the quintessential kid with swagger -- even wearing a "swag" T-shirt.A snapshot from 2010 captures a pose and a look.Krista Njapa from "The Momtographers" sent this photo to "Planet Awesome Kid" in April 2011.

Kids dressing like this at my school would have gotten beat up on a daily basis and quite frankly, I probably wouldn’t have stopped them. Granted, these kids are from Brooklyn and not rural Minnesota but come on? Do people really dress their kids like this? Thank God I live in the country where stupidity is only present 50% of the time and not running rampant through all age ranges. I for one hope that this trend of “fashion forward toddlers” dies quickly. If toddlers don’t have mud, dirt, paint, or marker on most of the clothes they don’t wear to church on Sunday then they’re doing childhood wrong and the parents are doing parenting wrong. Forgive me for being old fashioned but a flat brimmed hat and a shirt that says “SWAG” will be coming nowhere near my children. My only hope is that this trend dies off before I have kids so they won’t be picked on and put down for wearing normal clothes. One final thought, unless these kids are taking pictures of each other and picking out their own clothes, they aren’t the ones screaming “LOOK AT ME! LOOK AT ME!!!”

Regular Entry 10: American Stupidity and Empathy

Welcome back everyone! My Regular Entries are now a decade old. Wait. That’s ten years. OK it’s a dime old! Wait that’s not right either. Aww whatever this is entry 10. I am glad at least some of you are reading these and I hope you continue to do so. I know I’ve been incredibly inconsistent but bear with me, that is about to change! I have two very different topics to discuss this week but I hope everyone considers them both worth reading. Alright enough small talk! Time for me to take you to dinner.

July 4th. Independence day. If I wasn’t so lazy this wouldn’t be 20+ days late. Anyways! July 4th is the day we declared our independence. Now we celebrate it with fireworks, grilling shindigs and ice cold beer. American flags fly off the shelves and bald eagles make their appearance at every gathering over 10 people. ‘Merica! All of this sounds well and good, a perfect summer day. Unfortunately, being as socially connected as I am, I checked Twitter on the 4th. I saw plenty of “USA!!!” posts but do you know what else I saw? “Happy Birthday America! 2013 years strong!!” Oh my goodness. Who the heck thinks America is 2013 years old?!?! Please, if the majority of people think this, smack me over the head with a tack hammer because I’m not sure I want to live with these people. I clicked one of the hashtags and found that this particular individual was not the only one to think that the United States of America was 2013 years old. What scares me is that people this stupid probably have driver’s licenses and jobs. I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again. We should have IQ tests in order for people to BREATHE!!!! Read a book people! I swear if these people are making more than minimum wage or even have jobs with this enormous lack of intelligence I’m moving to Canada. Pull your head out of your derriere and learn a little bit about the FREAKING PLACE YOU LIVE IN!!!

On to topic number 2. Being a retail associate, I deal with all types of people, and I really do mean ALL types. There are friendly customers, indifferent customers, angry customers, fast customers, slow customers, good smelling customers, bad smelling customers, OK if you don’t get it by now just stop reading. All of these types of customers have taught me one thing. DON’T BE A DOUCHE!!!! You don’t know what the people behind the counter are dealing with. One (excuse my language) bitchy customer cussing out one associate who has a little too much on their plate can end in tears. Whatever rights you think you have as a customer do not override the rights the associate has as a human being. Show some freaking respect and be patient. Jerks and (excuse my language again) assholes need to realize that a name tag does not equal a robot destined to do your bidding. Just because we have to follow a dress code in the store and you do not does not mean you can treat us like second class citizens and shout over 50 cents. Also, I hope you don’t treat your family like this because if you do I would disown myself from that particular group. Like I said earlier, whether it’s with a random stranger or a family member, don’t be a douche. People have stuff going on behind the scenes that you don’t know about. Too many people have forgotten the Golden Rule. Treat people how you’d like to be treated. So STOP BEING A DICK!!

OK, now that I’ve gotten that off my chest! It’s time to wrap this weeks post up. 1.) Don’t be a boisterous ignorant American, 2.) Don’t be a dick. Real simple rules for life, and I mean REAL SIMPLE!! As always thank you to all of my loyal readers and fans and I hope you found this worth your time reading. Questions, comments, and concerns are always welcome and if there’s something on your mind that you’d like my take on feel free to let me know. I’m open to suggestions, otherwise I’ll just wing it and run out of ideas eventually and nobody (probably everybody) wants that.